How to Change Negative Thoughts
Sometimes, the mind tells us stories that stop us from moving forward. A story that makes you doubt yourself and your abilities. Sometimes the story is so strong, that any goal or ambition you have withers away.
It might be something like “I can’t learn a new language. I’m terrible at remembering details.” Or, “My boss must be angry at me. She hasn’t spoken to me all week.” Or, “I’ll never find a partner. I’m hard to get along with.” And so on.
Negative thoughts can be paralysing. Stopping us from pursuing the life we hope to live. They can lead us to catastrophise, creating a mountain out of something that isn’t realistic.
Negative thoughts can stop you from pursuing your career dreams. They can hold you back from reaching your health and fitness goals. They can prevent you from entering into a relationship that could be amazing, or building better relationships with those you love.
Negative thoughts can creep in because we need to feel in control. We want everything to happen how we hope and keep us in our comfortable world, free of disturbance. We resist change, and the mind is powerful and talks us into staying where everything is safe and familiar.
We also don’t like to see things come to an end. Taking steps to pursue our dreams can mean closing the door on our past selves and identity. Endings are hard. Many of us cling to our past, scared to say goodbye to what was. Our mind can be strong, keeping us where we are and stopping us from letting go.
Staying in this space of comfort and security won’t lead us to a life where we are growing and reaching our goals. Understanding the steps to tuning down negative thoughts when they appear will help us move forward.
Observe your thoughts and look at the facts
When you notice a negative thought entering your mind, look deeper. Is there a realistic reason for this thought, or are you guessing and thinking of the worst possible outcome?
For example, do you know what the other person is thinking? Or are you making assumptions? Is there evidence to suggest that you might not receive a raise at work, or are you just presuming that you know? Are you basing a future decision on a past negative experience and guessing what the outcome will be?
Zooming out and looking at the facts of our thoughts will help us take a more rational approach when making decisions. It can help separate self-limiting thoughts from those that encourage growth.
Reframe negative thoughts
Reframing is an exercise used in Cognitive Therapy that involves reframing or rewording our thoughts from negative to positive and helpful ones.
Once you have observed your thought and the facts around it, reframe the negative thought into one that is more realistic. For example, you may think, “I’m no good at this. I’m going to fail.” Replace it with, “I don’t know if I’m good at this, but I can try my best and see what I learn from it.”
The more we practice reframing, the more helpful our thoughts become over time and the stronger we become at thinking thoughts that help us rather than hinder us.
Practice coping with criticism
Quite often, negative thoughts enter our mind based on the words and criticism of others. When criticised, we doubt ourselves and our decisions.
It’s important to know that quite often criticism from others stems from their own beliefs about themselves and their experiences. Rather than it directly relating to us.
For example, you may tell a family member that you are thinking about changing your career direction, and their response isn't positive. Maybe they respond saying that you won't be good at it. It can be hard to hear this and not take it to heart. We all wish to have our dreams accepted and supported.
We might then think, “They are right. I’d be terrible at it." Pause, look at the facts and question whether this is true. Is there evidence to suggest that you could do well at it? Reframe the negative thought into something like, “It may not be the right decision, but it could open me to new opportunities and help me grow. Regardless, I will learn more about myself by trying."
Not all critisism is negative. Sometimes, it can be constructive if we step back and approach it with curiosity. Is there another way to look at the situation? A way to do things that we may not have initially realised? Being curious can take the defensiveness away, preventing us from spiraling into thinking negativeley.
Experiencing negative thoughts can be challenging and bring us down. But with awareness and consistent practice, we can begin to tune down the negative voice when it appears.
The more we take these steps of zooming out and looking at the facts, reframing the thought into a helpful one, and coping with negative criticism, the stronger we become in managing our thoughts and pursuing our dreams.