Coping With Life When It’s Weighing You Down
We all experience setbacks. Things that happen in our life that weigh us down and cause stress and anxiety. It could be that a family member is suffering, that our work feels unstable, or when we experience a health issue that can potentially change the way we live.
The thing about life, is that bad and difficult things do happen. Difficulties are a part of life, and we can't escape them. We could let life drag us down emotionally, feeling sorry for ourselves or believing everything is terrible and falling apart. But that can prevent us from moving forward and reaching a place of peace within.
Like many, I have experienced difficulties. Losing my mother to suicide hurt so badly. It still feels raw despite it happening seven years ago, and I grieve when the feelings surface. I could live in a world of disbelief, blame and self pity, but I choose to see the light from losing her.
Her loss taught me a lot about life - how to live and how not to live. It encouraged me to value health and wellbeing, and learn all I can about feeling fulfilled and happy. I wish I could change what happened, but I can’t. What is in my control is how I manage my thoughts, emotions and outlook on life.
Accepting what is out of our control
Quite often, we fight against a difficult situation, cursing another who is hurting us or feeling that everything in our life is a disaster. But that will only keep us stuck and feeling terrible.
What will help is accepting that these things are happening to us or those we care about. And looking at the situation as it is, figuring out how best to move forward. What is in our control? What can be adjusted to make the things feel lighter and more manageable? How can we reframe our thoughts from being negative into more positive and helpful?
Of course there are situations where you may be hurt by another, like being abused. Abuse is not OK or acceptable. Please do talk to someone who can help you. While you can’t change what has already happened to you, you can take steps towards living your life away from the harmful person.
Things like being worried about losing a job, dealing with a health issue and financial worry are situations where we may not have complete control, but we can reframe our thoughts or take action on things we can control.
Write your worries down on paper
When life feels heavy, it can help to write it all down. I draw a line down the middle of a page. On one side of the page I note the things that feel heavy and stressful, and on the other side I note the things that feel light and positive. Then, I write down steps to lighten the things that feel heavy, and ways that I can give more time and attention to the areas that feel light.
For example, you feel pressure to look after an elderly parent or grandparent. What steps can you take to lighten that pressure? Is there another family member who can help them occasionally? Or can you arrange outside assistance to come once a week to help?
It you are worried about finances, are there expenses that can be eliminated or reduced? Could you approach your employer about a raise or look around for a higher paying role?
How can you create more time for activities that feel light and joyful? Can you find more time for gardening? Go to bed a little earlier to read? Or talk with your employer about adjusting your work hours so that you have time with the children after school?
Writing our concerns down on paper encourages us to think of actionable steps, rather than have our worries circle within our mind and increasing our anxiety.
Talk to someone
There is no shame in talking with a therapist or counselor. Our minds and feelings are complex, and we are often so absorbed in our thoughts that it can be hard to make sense of them. Sharing our thoughts and being heard by someone can help us navigate them and create a plan to improve our lives.
Look for the beauty around you
When caught up in our worries, it can be hard to see the beauty in life. But beauty is all around us in the smallest of ways. Pause and listen to the laughs from your children. Notice their smiles. Walk through your garden and notice the blooming of flowers. Wake to see the sunrise and colours within the clouds changing before your very eyes.
No matter how terrible life feels, there is beauty there. Nature especially has a way of calming and soothing the mind. It only needs you to slow down and allow yourself the time to observe for a while.
Life is all ebbs and flows. Sometimes, life feels turbulent and difficult to navigate. Other times, we flow with life. The better we get at riding the difficut times, the calmer it will be on the other side.